Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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