I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
