We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
