Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
