Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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