Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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