Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
