I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
