My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
