Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
