i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
