I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
