I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
