just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
