Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
