im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
