remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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