Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
