some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
