you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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