Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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