Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
