she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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