Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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