I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
