I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
