Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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