I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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