Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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