why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
