I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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