i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
