...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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