So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
