ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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