Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Will exercising make me less horny?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
