Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
