at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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