A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
