i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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