Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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