I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
