Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
