You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
