I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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