no, he came in my armpit
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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