dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
