LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
