My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
