whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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