STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
